Yes well, here I am. I've decided to try out this Blog thing since I've heard about it from a few different people, so here I am.

Well, today was just the typical day to be completely honest. Not quite good, but I've had much worse! It started out ok, just the normal morning... You know, forcing yourself to wake up. You know how in the morning, the first thing you're suppose to do is be in prayer... I mean the first thing that should pop in your head is God... Well I've been having a major struggle with that. I mean it seems almost impossible for that to be thing first thing in my head never the ness the top 10.

To really elaborate on that some more, my walk with God is getting kind of bumpy again. Not that I was perfect before, but... Any way. There for a while it was getting to where I was having a problem even being able to sit down and have a conversation with God. Prayer became one of those things that I did right before falling asleep (or something while falling asleep) and all I seemed to do was "thanks God, watch over this, this, and this, I need bale, blah, blah, I love you. Amen." Not that my prayer has really changed, but my attitude and the meaning behind what I say is there now. (with the help of a couple of ministers that I know) But then again, in the past week I guess, it seems like I've just been going my own way. Its like I said "here you go God, all my troubles are in your hands now, you deal with it... I'll be back later when I want them back to dwell on them for a while."

I dunno, my walk is just getting kind of rough. In a way it seems like I am pretty much on my own on this situation and I just have to sit down and figure it out some how. I mean no body else around me seems to be (or ever been) where I'm at right now. Like everyone person in my youth groups just seem to be on a different level... Not a lower lever per say, but a different one. I know we're not all suppose to be in the same place, that would make life kind of boring, but I need someone there who at least knows what I'm talking about... Or at least willing to listen. Don't get me wrong either,cause I love all the people in my group, but at the moment, gossip and talking (in general) seems to be more important than actually wanting to fellowship with God and other believers.

I'm in the middle of two churches. I LOVE going to both of them honestly! But for some reason it just doesn't feel right. I believe that God has put me in both churches (to learn and/ or make a difference... I haven't found that out yet) and I would like to continue going both places. I mean they both deliver something totally different for me. At The Fellowship, I get the preaching that's on my level. I feel like is a direct message to me almost EVERY Sunday, and that they are doing their best to get me into some leadership classes to become the minister I wish to be one day. But on the other hand, they don't have the youth group and closeness in the youth like the C of C does. Hmmm I don't know any more, but then again, I guess its better off that way for now.

Well, I've typed all that I'm going to type for now. One day I'll get back on here to write some more... I just have to find some time in my schedule, but for now..... I'm out!