I've finally come to the realization that I'm not even sure of who I am any more. Yeah people say that most spend their early years in life finding out who they are with out the help of their parents, friends, co-workers, church people (ect). Its not that these people are no longer around, but that you are faced with many situations in which in order to become "the real you" have to deal with on your own. It "builds character" right? Well, I've tried that and I'll be completely honest with you, I'm more confused that I was before. How can you honestly not listen to those around and make yourself into the "real you"? I was brought up how my parents wanted: quiet, speaks only when spoken to (I kinda take that to an extreme sometimes), minds own business, responsible, hard worker, religious, chruchy, independent yet relies only on the parents, ect. And well evidently they did a pretty damn good job on installing those qualities because no matter how much I try to get rid of them, it seems impossible. Well being honest, at this point in my life, those are the last qualities I want. I want the childhood I was forced to leave. Not the being young part, but the fun. Here lately all I want to do is be the careless, irresponsible, independent, anti-churchy (that's not technically anti-religion, just none of the acting crap) 20 something year old I feel like. I mean there are even a few people out there that see the potential of me being that kind of person and they encourage it, but then I also have those other people. I feel some people just want to keep me on a short rope right in front of them constantly hitting me in the head with the bible when they need to turn it around and smack themselves with it a few times. Some have accused me of "turning away from god" and being "anti-social" but when in reality, I'm still facing god, he's what helps me make it from day to day. And its not that I'm antisocial either, I just don't want to surround myself with people that are only trying to mold me into the person they think I need to me. This next year I want to be the real me. I'm not perfect, no one is, and I want to learn how to have fun. In fact, I may even make up for lost times. I agree with some of those other people... I'm too uptight, stressed over stupid stuff and yeah a bit over worked. And people probably aren't going to agree with what I might choose to do, but you know what... I've lived my life satisfying others, I honestly want to enjoy this gift of life that god has given me. Not worry about what others think.