well, just as some have said, the pain has faided some. not enough to my liking though, and even worse, there are scars left to remind me. i know it hasnt been that long and all, and i know people get sick of me being a little miss self pitty, but thats not it at all... i just feel old. like i am no longer a child that i so yern to be. but something has come along that has some what changed my feelings. a change that i should and want to embrace, but it scares me too much to even try. that feeling you get deep inside, like the whole bottom of your stomach has just fallen though and your mouth seems to fail you when words need to exscape. it terrifies me, only because i recognize it, the same thing has happened to me not long ago. the feeling is apart of the scars, but it has a different source. (not sure if this make any sense to you, but *shrugs*)i had this same feeling about 10 months ago. looking back it seems like thats been forever, yet in my heart i want to remember it like it was yesterday. how do i do that though? how am i suppose to embrace this new source that makes me go speechless and become all giggly inside, and yet also try to hold on to the other one? is it possible? you know me, i am not really one to get this feeling for just any old person that walks by, so thats why this bothers me so... how do i let go of something i cant have in order to pick something new? how do you unfall in love with the past long enough to look at what you have right in front of you? i want more than anything what i once had, but then again knowing i cant, i want what is there for me...how do i go about that? the last thing i want is to give
this person pain due to my own. its not fair.
*shrugs* but then again, why do i even bother asking?