Man, I finally made it home... It seems like today has been one of the busiest days ever, and yet I really didn't do all that much. This morning I got to watch part of Lion King 1 1/2 in band. It was pretty good actually. Not as good as the original, but ya know... That's how it normally is. After school wasn't too bad. I stayed around the church breaking the toilet in the girl's bathroom with Jessie and Bainum, then went and listened to Coy and his quartet... They are actually pretty good. But Jerry finally got back to me on the topic I've been having a problem with since it was brought up last Thursday at the collage bible study... The whole predestined thing. At first I looked at it as being unfair, cruel, and just something a loving God would do... But after a while of talking, we got it all figured out and its much better now ;o). Then we had devo which was really good. For some reason lately John 3:30 keeps coming up in my mind. I need to be come less and He needs to become more... As much as that pops in my head, you'd think that I'd start putting the words into actions. I'll work on it now. Then after that I got to go Taco Bell with Bainum, which I always enjoy (hanging out with her... Not the taco bell ;o)...) but any way she seems to be like the only genuine one out of... Yeah well... I mean her and I can actually sit there and talk about what all God is doing, what we need to work on, our future ect. But when it comes to other people when either one of us start talking about God working with us, the subject is usually changed or just ignored...hmmm.
well after we ate, I rushed home then back up to Heights for the bible study. I don't know why, but for some reason it seems like I missed those people more this week than I normally do. I mean just getting hugs from them were like a big relief or something. But we had a discussion on us being the vine and how we need to stay connected, but a lot of the times, we cant stay focused with out the help of others. So we went around the group telling others what we would like to be held accountable for if we're caught doing/not doing. Well after putting it off for a while and not talking.. (see I don't just not talk at church, it happens all the time) but Dan finally made me speak up. At first I really didn't know of anything I need to be held to other than my quiet times, but right then, it hit me... I second guess my self all the time. Just today I've had to get people to force me to talk at least 4 different times? And why? Its not like I don't have anything to say. Well the thing is that I'm always worried about how what I want to say isn't going to come out, and how others are going to respond. Its not the fact that I never have answers, I have answers more often then I let known. But for some reason, I always have this idea in my head that my answer is wrong and I don't wanna be told that. Its kinda crazy cause when I do have a response in my head, I just sit there waiting for someone else to say something and then they happen to blurt out the exact thing that was in my head. Not only do I second guess myself when it comes to speaking, but in life in general. Like I know I should do what's right, but some times I think things through and go with the second choice which of course is usually the wrong one... gee it kind of goes along with the lesson on Wednesday doesn't it... Crazy huh ;oP. I dunno, I guess what I'm saying is that I spend more time thinking and less time acting. So... In conclusion, if you think That's going on, give me a little shove/push or whatever and get me to open my big mouth...Have a great night!